The Mind Of Matsuda
by XxDonMelloxX
Summary: A few journal entries from Matsuda during the final days of the Kira case. Matsuda's thoughts on everything and coming to a close. My first one-shot! /o/ LOL


**The Mind of Matsuda**

_Musings of a Naive Optimist_

_Matsuda's thoughts in the last days of the Kira Case_

**A/N: Go figure. I finally finished my two major pieces and NOW I get an urge to write! LOL I had a few ideas floating around in my head, but I thought this one might be the most interesting. At least, I hope it's interesting. Just done in the style of a few journal entries from Matsuda during the last days of the case. (I guess it kind of sucks.. x.x;) Well... Here goes nothing lol Enjoy~ **

**-Mello**

_Dear Diary/Blog/Journal thing =D _

_January 25, 2010_

_Wow! Another long day of investigating the Kira case at HQ. Something really interesting happened today! N got in contact with us, and said he's got something he'd like to show us concerning the Kira case! We've made an arrangement for the SPK and NPA to meet in three days. I'm so anxious to see what N found! _

_Sadly, though, N still believes (pretty strongly) that Light-kun is Kira. (Sigh.) Well, I hope that this meeting will help him change his mind. Light-kun really is a cool guy, and I'm sure that when N sees how hard Light's been working on the Kira case, he'll finally let up. _

_You know... the interesting thing about being so optimistic in a group is seeing people's reactions to my enthusiasm. Ide pretty much just seems to think I'm.. too optimistic. I know I am, I'll admit it. But Aizawa... I'm so confused by that guy. He's said he's suspicious of Light-kun. He takes him to see Miss Takada at the hotel each time he goes, he watches Light-kun like a hawk, but Light hasn't done anything but work so hard on this case! _

_Really, Light-kun has given up a LOT working himself so hard on this investigation. I mean.. we started years ago, and since then, Light's lost a good friend and worst of all - his own father. _

_Yagami... I really miss him. It's probably a little ridiculous to get this emotional, but... I really looked up to the Chief, a lot. I admired him. He was a wonderful person, and I'm glad Light-kun is following his footsteps. Chief must be so proud of his son, like he always had been. And I'm honored to be working on this case with Light-kun, and to have worked with Chief until his last. RIP, Chief._

_Wow, I knew I was getting too emotional there! Sorry about that! But anyway, the meeting! Three days! I can hardly sit still! I wish Chief could be there too, to see what will be revealed. I guess he'll be with us in spirit, right? _

_Don't worry Chief! We'll all make you proud! With Light-kun and N coming together, we can definitely do it! Kira's as good as caught!_

_ Until Later,_

_ -Touta Matsuda_

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_Dear Journal, _

_January 26, 2010_

_Oh, my God. It's all I can say... Today was a disaster. Miss Takada... Mello kidnapped her. N said one of his team members confirmed it was Mello. N had said before that Mello was dangerous, but..._

_  
But somehow, I didn't think he could do something so cold as to kill Miss Takada. And himself, right along with her. How can someone be like that? I just don't get it... _

_We'd heard from her, too. We were so close to saving her, but we were too late. Mello had burned them down. I really can't believe it. What was he thinking? Killing Takada and committing suicide with her? I thought he wanted to chase after Kira... That's what N had said - That Mello would chase Kira through Takada. But... then he killed himself?_

_It does seem kind of weird when you think about it that way, huh? But I guess the stress of this case just got to him. I guess Mello figured that by taking out Takada, he'd be sending some kind of message._

_Yeah... I really just don't get people sometimes. How exactly does taking someone's life- especially your own - prove anything? And if you take your own, you never get to see the results if you die, right? So what's the point? And just WHY was it necessary to KILL Takada?! I mean, he could have held her for - ... No, he couldn't have held her for ransom. I guess I see why Mello thought he had to kill Takada and himself. If he'd tried to make any kind of deals with Kira, Kira could just kill him. So it had to be that then, did it, Mello?_

_But Mello... what were you trying to say? I wonder..._

_ Til next ~_

_ -Touta Matsuda_

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_Dear Diary/Blog/Journal/Thingy!!_

_ January 27, 2010_

_I CAN'T WAIT! TOMORROW! I'm so excited! Finally, we'll be able to see what N has got to show us! We didn't do much today, just the usual continuation of our investigation. _

_  
Well.. I really just wanted to let out how excited I am! I'm going to go rest up for the big day! Yeah!! With Light-kun and N finally coming together, I'm sure we'll be able to catch Kira much faster!_

_ Wish us luck!!_

_ -Touta Matsuda_

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_Dear Journal. _

_February 7, 2010._

_I know you must have been expecting an excited update on the 28th. Or an update at all, really. Truth is... Well... I've been... You know, I - well, I guess I've just been in shock. _

_I feel kind of... well, stupid I guess. I shouldn't have let my own connection to the Yagamis cloud my judgement! I saw Light as a friend and co-worker. I should have opened my eyes when so many people started to suspect him! Especially L. How could I have doubted "the Greatest Detective of the times"? And maybe doubting one person was understandable. But when more suspicions of Light began to surface I should have looked deeper, like Aizawa and Givanni. Maybe I could have gotten through to Light-kun..._

_No...No... the Light Yagami I saw in the warehouse that day was not the Light Yagami I've known for so long. That was a madman. Yeah, in case you haven't figured it out - Light was Kira._

_I still can't believe it. Light-kun... All this hard work on the case, L's death, his father's death. His FATHER'S death!! For what? Because of his crazy idea that killing off all the criminals in this world would make the world better, that he could be the God of a new world. But.. But I just can't agree with that. _

_How can you really "judge" who you're killing? If they were in jail, they were automatically branded as a horrible person, and killed. But you know.. what if their charges weren't even so bad, like shoplifting? And there's the occasional inmate who really has been wrongly accused and are completely innocent, just waiting for the chance to prove it. What about people like that, Light? How would you know who was really guilty and who was really innocent? You didn't know. You couldn't. And that's why I was able to act so quickly in the warehouse. _

_You tricked me, Light... I'd believed in you from the start, and that was how you treated me? It hurt, you know. Betrayal always hurts, especially from a friend. But I still can't believe the kind of person he'd become... no feelings of guilt or remorse for those he'd killed, not even his own father. _

_Yeah, Light! What did your father do, huh?! What did Chief do to you to deserve to die?! He LOVED you with everything he had, he did everything he could to protect you and even bore punishment with you when you were being accused of Kira in the first place. He always believed in you, just like I had! And you repaid him for everything he'd done for you, for the LIFE he'd given you, you repay him with DEATH?! _

_...I'm writing to a dead person. Maybe I've gone crazy, too._

_Yes... Light Yagami, Kira... Is dead. Killed by the Shinigami, Ryuk. _

_God, I was so conflicted! He lied to me... I wanted to kill him, I wanted to help him.. Couldn't something have been done? Couldn't we just have maybe made sure he was completely without any Notebook paper and confined him again, maybe gotten him some help? He obviously needed help... But Ryuk didn't really give us a choice. It was Light's time, I guess._

_So... that's the end, then. All these years investigating Kira, and he was always right under our noses. Isn't that the way it always goes? You look and look as hard as you can for something you can't seem to find, and it's always right in front of you. _

_I do wish it hadn't been Light. It really breaks my heart. And now I'm so glad that Chief wasn't there to witness that. It would have broken his heart, too. I can't even predict what Chief would have done when Light declared that he truly was Kira. _

_So, L... I'm sorry I doubted you. Chief... I'm.. I'm so sorry. I wish it had been anyone but Light-kun, I really do. Aizawa... I wish I'd paid more attention to your suspicion. N and the SPK team... Thank you for all of your hard work. There's no way we could have come to a conclusion without you, N._

_Oh... And Mello? ...Now I understand. Thank you for your message, and your sacrifice. We'd be dead now too, if it weren't for your plan. You didn't have to do that. But you did. And you lost something sacred. ...Thank you. _

_ And so we face the Final Curtain._

_ -Touta Matsuda._


End file.
